Batman and Batgirl vs the Hats and Eggs
by Windrises
Summary: The Mad Hatter and Egghead team up to rob Gotham's new store. Batman and Batgirl try to guard the store, but the Mad Hatter defeats Batman.


Notes: Batman was created by Bob Kane and Bill Finger and is owned by DC Comics. The live action Batman show was created by William Dozier and is owned by Fox and Warner Bros.

The Mad Hatter, Jervis Tetch, read a newspaper article about a new store in Gotham. The store had several valuable items. The Mad Hatter was excited about the store's hat collection. It had several hats that were worth tons of money. The Mad Hatter had Egghead come to his hideout. The Mad Hatter said, "I'll have all of these hats added to my collection." He did an evil laugh.

Egghead replied, "That sounds great for you, but how will it benefit me?"

The Mad Hatter said, "This store has quite the variety. An example of that is the royal food section of the store. It has cartons of the world's rarest eggs."

Egghead replied, "How eggcellent. I intend on stealing all of the eggs in the store. In fact I might rob all of the eggs in Gotham." He did an evil laugh.

The Mad Hatter was surprised by how mundane Egghead's master plan was so he asked, "Are you that petty?"

Egghead said, "Well your big passion is hats."

The Mad Hatter responded, "Hats are far more valuable than eggs. You can't collect eggs, because they have to be eaten."

Egghead replied, "I have a majority of Gotham's eggs in my collection. I've barely eaten them. After I steal the rare eggs I'll have the most eggtravagant collection ever." The Mad Hatter and Egghead did another evil laugh.

Meanwhile the Batphone was ringing. Alfred Pennyworth handed the phone to Bruce Wayne. Bruce held the phone while asking, "What's going on?"

Commissioner Gordon said, "Gotham's new store opens tomorrow. Since it has so many valuable items I'm afraid that some criminals might try to rob the store."

Bruce replied, "That would only be a real thing to worry about if some of the criminals escaped prison."

Chief O'Hara said, "I noticed that the Mad Hatter and Egghead's cell doors didn't look very stylish so I got rid of their cells."

Bruce asked, "You gave them a chance to cause more crimes?"

Chief O'Hara said, "The new cell doors I had installed look so fancy that I think you'll be proud of me." Bruce rolled his eyes.

The next day Batman went to the store to guard the items. Batman walked up to the manager and said, "I'm Batman."

The store manager replied, "Greetings Batman. We have plenty of rare gadgets that would be good for you."

Batman said, "I came here to guard the store."

The store manager replied, "That's a great offer Batman. Feel free to enjoy the store's couch."

Batman said, "No thank you. I'm going to try to stand around without the criminals noticing me."

Batgirl replied, "You would stick out like a sore bat."

Batman said, "Greetings Batgirl. I didn't know that you would be at the store."

Batgirl replied, "I came to guard it."

Batman said, "It's nice to have a fellow superhero here for this guarding mission."

Batgirl replied, "I'll guard the front of the store while you guard the back."

Batman said, "Okay."

A few minutes later the Mad Hatter and Egghead went into the store. The Mad Hatter wore a pink suit and top hat instead of his usual gray suit and top hat. He hoped that it would be a great disguise. Egghead just used a brown wig as a disguise.

Batgirl looked at the Mad Hatter and Egghead and quickly figured out their disguise plan. She ran to the back of the store to report to Batman about the villain's plan. She said, "The Mad Hatter and Egghead came here. They're wearing rather weak disguises."

Batman replied, "We need to stop them before they rob the store's rare items."

The Mad Hatter went to the aisle that had the rare hats. He started grabbing the hats. Batman ran up to him and said, "I won't let you take any of the rare hats."

The Mad Hatter replied, "But I was planning on paying for all of them. In fact I'm not a criminal."

Batman said, "Your disguise doesn't count as a successful trick."

The Mad Hatter replied, "This is really disappointing news."

Batman said, "I assumed that criminals would try to steal stuff on this new store's opening day. Thankfully I was a guard here today."

The Mad Hatter proudly said, "I was even more prepared Batman, because I figured that you would be guarding the store today. That's why I was wearing the hat that can spray knockout gas." The Mad Hatter took off his pink top hat and used it to spray knockout gas at Batman.

Meanwhile Batgirl ran up to Egghead. Egghead was checking out the eggs. Batgirl said, "I'm going to boil your evil plan."

Egghead replied, "You and your batty boyfriend are going to get defeated."

Batgirl said, "Batman and I aren't dating."

Egghead replied, "Denial is as silly as dressing up like a bat in every episode. I'm quite the brilliant criminal so I know that you and Batman like each other."

Batgirl asked, "Are you an expert on romance?"

Egghead said, "Kind of. I was engaged to Olga who was the Queen of the Cossacks. She broke up with me after she got egghausted by my egg puns."

The Mad Hatter ran up to Egghead and said, "I made Batman pass out."

Egghead replied, "That's eggcellent news."

The Mad Hatter said, "We need to go back to the hideout very soon."

Batgirl replied, "I'm going to stop both of you."

Egghead said, "Your plan won't work." Egghead throw a smoke screen at Batgirl to distract her while the Mad Hatter and Egghead left the store. They took Batman, the hats, and the eggs with them.

The Mad Hatter and Egghead went back to their hideout. The Mad Hatter started dusting the hats he stole while Egghead put the eggs in his fridge.

Egghead asked, "What will you do with Batman?"

The Mad Hatter said, "I've been wanting to add Batman's cowl to my collection for years."

Egghead replied, "You should take the cowl off now."

The Mad Hatter said, "Hold on. I need to find the perfect place to put the cowl. Since my collection is so fancy I can't put Batman's cowl in a random spot."

Egghead asked, "Will Batman wake up while you're trying to find the best spot for his cowl?"

The Mad Hatter had an evil smile on his face while saying, "That won't be a worry that we're required to have."

Egghead asked, "What do you mean?"

The Mad Hatter said, "The knockout gas that I used on Batman is super dangerous. It's rumored that it makes people stay passed out for years." The Mad Hatter did an evil laugh.

Meanwhile Batgirl called Alfred. Alfred asked, "What's going on?"

Batgirl said, "Batman and I tried to stop the Mad Hatter and Egghead's robbery, but the Mad Hatter used knockout gas on Batman. I assume that they went back to their hideout. If I don't find out where they are Batman and the new store will be in bigger trouble than ever."

Alfred replied, "Try to find a place that has either a hat or an egg theme."

Batgirl said, "I forgot how bad the villains are at having successful hideouts. I'll look around Gotham for the weird gimmick hideouts." Batgirl got on her motorcycle and drove around Gotham. After several minutes of driving she saw a place that was decorated with hats.

Batgirl burst into the hideout and said, "You need to give up."

The Mad Hatter replied, "How dare you imply that I should become a quitter. I'm very dedicated to my hats."

Batgirl said, "Your hat hobby has led to a life of crime."

The Mad Hatter replied, "Just being a hat collector would be a boring hobby. Stealing hats makes my hobby much more exciting."

Batgirl said, "Then you should get a more exciting hobby."

The Mad Hatter replied, "Hats are too eloquent to give up on."

Batgirl asked, "Where's Batman?"

Egghead said, "Batgirl's worried about her eggy crush."

Batgirl replied, "Stop accusing me of being in love with Batman."

The Mad Hatter said, "You interrupted my mission."

Batgirl asked, "What do you mean?"

The Mad Hatter said, "I'm still trying to find a spot for Batman's cowl."

Egghead responded, "You're wasting too much time on finding the spot."

The Mad Hatter said, "Finding a spot for Batman's cowls is one of the most important goals of my life." Batgirl thought that was pathetic, but she was nice enough to not make fun of him.

The Mad Hatter pointed to Egghead and said, "Use my knockout spraying hat to take care of Batgirl."

Egghead picked up the hat and started looking at it. He said, "I want to eggamine the hat so I can use it correctly." Egghead looked at the part of the hat that sprayed knockout gas. Because of that the hat sprayed knockout gas at him. He passed out.

Batgirl grabbed the Mad Hatter and said, "You need to show me where Batman and the stuff you stole is."

The Mad Hatter replied, "I refuse to become a quitter." Batgirl punched the Mad Hatter a few times. The Mad Hatter was a little cowardly so he showed Batgirl the room where Batman and the new store's items were. The Mad Hatter said, "Batman will stay knocked out for years."

Batgirl grabbed the knockout gas hat and said, "If you don't tell me how to cure Batman I'll have the hat knock you out for years."

The Mad Hatter replied, "I seriously don't know how to cure him. There's a rumor that a kiss could wakeup the people that get knocked out by the hat. However that seems more like a cliche than a true story."

Batgirl said, "Well cliches are helpful superpowers." Batgirl kissed Batman on the cheek.

The Mad Hatter replied, "You're supposed to do a kiss on the lips, not on the cheek."

Batgirl felt a little shy to kiss Batman, but she did it. Batman woke up. Batgirl explained to Batman what happened.

Batman said, "Please give up Mad Hatter."

The Mad Hatter replied, "I'm not going to quit any of my plans."

Batman said, "Thankfully I decided to not quit defeating crime." Batman grabbed the Mad Hatter and kicked him around the hideout. The Mad Hatter passed out.

Batman put handcuffs on the Mad Hatter and Egghead and took them to the police station. Batgirl took the new store's items back to the store.

After the mission was over Batman said, "Thank you for saving my life from the Mad Hatter."

Batgirl replied, "You're welcome. I hope you don't mind that I had to kiss you to get you to wake up."

Batman said, "You saved me from being passed out for years. You're a real hero." Batgirl kissed Batman again. Batman said, "The Mad Hatter's knockout gas had already gone away. You didn't have to kiss me a second time."

Batgirl blushed and said, "I thought that I should kiss you twice since there were two villains."

Batman replied, "Your dedication to your missions is always admirable." Batgirl realized that Batman was too wholesome and gullible to realize that she liked him. Batman shook Batgirl's hand and headed towards his next mission.


End file.
